Leo Apotheker Tries To Spend Severance Pay On Enron Stock

After receiving $25 million following his termination as the CEO of Hewlett-Packard, it is rumored that Leo Apotheker attempted to invest some of the money in Enron, only to discover that the corporation had imploded. We met Mr. Apotheker at his old office in Palo Alto to find him literally clearing out his desk.

"I kind of liked Enron," Mr. Apotheker told us. "Ken was a bro, you know what I'm saying? I always trusted him even though I had no idea what his company even did!"

Leo Apotheker Learns The Hard Way Never To Say "HP-Ness"

At a press conference on Thursday, HP CEO Leo Apotheker learned that while there are many possible words that could have been successfully used to denote ‘a quality possessed exclusively by HP products’, the term “HP-ness” was unfortunately not one of them.
“What our our shareholders need to understand is that HP’s devices are special not only because of their superior design, usability and cutting-edge components, they also have this special quality of their own, this... HP-ness.”
Apotheker seemed unaware of his gaffe until he noticed the board of directors giggling, at which point he switched his teleprompter back on and began to announce HP’s imminent future plans, which involved discontinuing webOS software, selling HP’s PC division to Dell, purchasing MySpace, and finally building a giant raft out of $100 bills, loading it up with shareholders, setting it on fire and sending it off into the Pacific ocean.